bliccy's blog

It's just. notebook. paper.

(Can't I have my one little thing, ever?  EVER?!)

Like the shining winner I am, I was home with my mom last night watching a series of very interesting documentaries on abnormal human behaviors.  There were a few on people with "savant syndome" (f.k.a. idiot savants), child murderers, and general deviant behaviors.

Me: Ugh, that reminds me of this one perversion I read about a few years ago, frottage.
Mom: Oh God, there are CHEESE perverts?
Me: ...that's fromage, Mom.  Fromage.

LIFE IS YUCKY AND VERY STRESSFUL RIGHT NOW.  AND I AM OUT OF VODKA.  AND IT IS SUNDAY THEREFORE I WILL NOT GET ANY.  WOE.

I was never "in love" with Michael.  We were on/off for years and we always had fun.  He was kind to me, took care of me, and was overall an incredibly respectful gentleman.  And despite my best attempts to live in perpetual denial, I know he was genuinely in love with me.  Even though the majority of the time I find myself missing his friendship more than anything, I can't help but stop and think: Gosh, had we just gotten engaged when I was fresh out of high school like he wanted, I wouldn't be in this suffocating financial mess that I'm in now.  I'd be living in a really nice home out in the country.  With a few fancy cars and a garden and a pool and lots of time to spend with our little blonde-haired, blue-eyed babies (and God, they would have been cute) toddling around with the farm animals.  I would have the best mother-in-law in the world.  I would never, ever have to worry about money.  I could have gone to UW Vancouver at my leisure and into the career I really love.  It just would have been...so nice, and easy.  And I almost feel like an ungreatful, self-centered brat for thinking that wasn't good enough for me.  I was looking a gift horse in the mouth when there are billions of people living in poverty and would readily sacrifice something like "true love" when they could have a meal on their table three times a day.

Ahem, I tend to get really emo when I send off one month's payment of $500+ to my student loan company, forcing me to live with my 1) family 2) shitty cell phone 3) junky camera. :)

I am not that one girl from LJ. I'm her evil twin. You won't like me, I promise. Bye!